Plastic Surgery

Do you guys watch nip/tuck? Or the 90210 beverly hills plastic surgery show? Or reality T.V coz you know those guys are always going to the plastic surgeon.

In the show they always have this poor gal going to the plastic surgeon to have a her boobies or her vajayjay fixed. The doctor gets a feel of her boobies and a look inside the vajayjay, and he gives his recommendations on what should be done and how it should be done. Then somehow the conversation always turns to the gal pal of the chic getting the work done and then its talking about how her boobies are. Or how her thighs are and the surgeon always ends up telling her she will need work asap or in a year or two or somewhere down the road. I’ve always wondered how are these people suckered into being told they need work done. Better yet weren’t they supposed to be taking their friends not working on themselves? But now I understand – when that doctor starts assessing u like a slice of roast meat, your self esteem takes a dive! And ur once perfect boobies are no longer perfect ? why? Well that mammary papilla, commonly referred to as nipple, is no longer large enough and it needs to be made larger so that her live- in- boyfriend ( what Kenyans refer to as come we stay) can suck on it all night .

So I went to a plastic surgeon yesterday. Yes people! Plastic surgeon. And after I declared that my nose is fabulous and doesn’t need work. He was like yes it looks good but let me touch it- and touch it he did and then he calmly said no! Its going to droop when u are older because it has no strut! Because the tip of my nose is soft as I get older it’s going to start sagging basically! This is where I almost chucked the kikuyu in me be nearly yelling “Ka –nake- nawe!” Instead I snapped “whatever”.  And then the doctor told me that I was beautiful and didn’t need any work done. Do you see this people. They damage your ego and then tell you u don’t need work? Who do you listen to? Them or your ego?

Thankfully the appointment was over and we left, with my damaged ego – about possibly having a future droopy nose. Thank goodness it wasn’t a boobie plastic surgeon coz my mammary papillae are just fine thank you!

Being a woman is hard- your boobs sag, your hips decided to widen to the size of a truck, your buttocks enlarge then sag coz you drag ‘em on a seat all  day , your vajayjay takes a hit to and stretches beyond the depths of human understanding, and now SN is gladly proud to announce that yes ladies so will your nose! (the nose applies to the gentlemen too esp them.)

 

Official!

It is official!

I sit here in an almost drunken state and I can say in a sober way that I have lost ALL FAITH IN MEN! ALL!

Incase you didnt notice that was in CAPS !  ALL FAITH IN MEN!

they are just a) uneccessarily dramatic b) beyond immmature c) just plain stupid d) OMG — why go on?

Hmm clearly I am upset at one man! which man? alas onely one person will know! but I am pissed! people PISSED!

I’m just done with men! Done ….

we need a harambee to buy me a vibrator! ……

fuck im pissed shots! shots! shots! shots! shots! shots! shots! shots! shots! shots! shots= drunkedness!

 

FB… Boobie Disasters

PEOPLE  Once again it is FACEBOOK!

Ok so I am randomly procrastinating – it is a gift I tell you – and I happen to notice this one girls pictures. And ofcourse her profile is not super private like mine so anyway I can see her pictures.. and look at her pictures I did even though she isnt my friend… And wat did I see…

Her big boobs , her big boobs, and her big boobs. All her pictures are extremely boobalicious. And her boobs are big probably D’s if not G’s you know and damn she needs a bra that fits or friends. Because seriously you cant have ur boobs hanging out like that for all and sundry. I mean its so bad to the point of  how can you have respect for a woman that has the titties all out like that , I’m telling you the only thing you can’t see is her nipples. Yote… and to make it worse there is a picture with a pen in between her boobs in one of the pics, I mean really! Ok maybe it was meant as a joke but some self respect- I mean really. And I’m pretty sure I read that if u have big boobs you shouldn’t have them hanging out ovyo ovyo all the time. Those girls need to be supported. UP and COVERED!. And sad thing is I’m sure she is a nice person but ala … those boobs are popping. Beyond! Guys I know you are thinking ok I want to see this but even after pic 10 you’ll be like uh ok yeah this is too much. Even if you have been blessed by the Lord like that … ai.. it was just too tooo tooo much! Hanging here , there everywhere almost every pic I saw… ala!

I mean nearly every picture her boobs were out, and she has like 400 pictures. And a good 2 sock of them her titties are out having a party. There was one picture where even her top couldn’t hack and was sliding off and you could see the bra. And not to forget that ka habit of Kenyan women, putting the cell phone by the boobs , close to the arm pit but not quite- held in place by the bra of course. (PS I’m pretty sure this is bad for the bra… the bra is meant to support the boobs not the boobs and the cell phone- im digressing)

I almost want to do a harambee and buy her a bra! A bra that fits well and a shirt that covers that stuff up.

Would it be wrong of me to write her a message and be like hey I think u need to cover up that ish? Give her a few tips on how to show off the boobs in a more appropriate manner! Coz I mean I want to … I even feel obligated to do so???Maybe she doesnt have friends who can tell her ” honey get your self together and cover up those things at least sometimes, especially in the day light.. !I can’t just sit by the way side and let the woman just meander along the road like she is lost…

 

We need to talk?

I am just getting over the hump. I have been single for a full two months.

Saturday was hard for me. Real hard. I wanted to go out dancing, have a party, celebrate. I had a lot to celebrate my couch had just come – its beautiful, bonded leather. Yeah thats all I had to celebrate but I think its a good reason. I got a new couch! LOVE IT ! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! I’m digressing , but its my blog, and your my reader so let me focus.

OK so I had one reason to celebrate but I decided to assess my feelings. Why did I want to really go out? Turns out I wanted to meet a cute man. I just wanted a man to hit on me. Not good I say. Not good. So I picked up a novella ( aka romance book ) settled into my new cotton satin sheets and devoured the book. That people is progress! When you are dedicated on your goal to being single and not going to do something that you love- dancing- in the name of advancing your self.

But alas…. there is always drama… and confusion. So two exes on mine – days apart like one on saturday, on one sunday said to me – ” We need to talk”.

I know that this is a stereotype but aren’t women the ones supposed to say ” we need to talk”. I hate it when men say that coz its so vague. And if you know anything about men they will give you the “we need to talk” line and not go further into it until they are ready. I hate suspense, I just can not be left hanging. So now I am in a state of what the hell is going on. Not one person but two. What could they want to talk about?

Its insane. Insane I tell you.

I’m waiting for today to be over – conversation 1 should be happening by the end of today. Tomorrow conversation 2.

What’s a girl to do??? How do men cope when women give them the whole ” we need to talk line”??

 

Moving : Lesson # 1

Ok changed my mind! I will air the laundry… So here are the characters in my little story. Andi, Mel** and I

(** name has been changed to protect her Identity)

I currently live in a nice little cute place. It has two full bedrooms – they are small but it’s still a full bedroom, think South B original servants quarter size room- and an attic. Now Andi has lived here for four years. And when I moved in, a year ago, she moved up into the attic. For 2 reasons a) she always wanted to move up there and b) not many people would live up there. Why wouldn’t someone want to live up there?  Well the space is small. And you have to get up to that space using a ladder. Remember that ladder you used to use a kid to get up to your bed on the double-decker you shared with your younger brother or sister? Yes that kind of ladder, slightly larger and longer.

So over the summer, in July to be precise, one of the rooms becomes available. So I had the pleasurable task of finding us a roommate. Andi and I spoke about the process. She said she was busy and I didn’t mind doing the bulk work of it. So I found us a roommate- Mel. Before I found Mel, Andi mentioned that she would be moving out when I moved out in December, or in February. And I was like ok so I told Mel you have to commit for a few month more like 6 -8 and so she did.  Mel moved in August.

Sept 30^th rolls along and pop goes the weasel... Andi causally mentions that she is moving in November. I am stunned. This is the first I am hearing of this. She almost knocked the wind out of me. Thank goodness for my 53 kilos. I could have sworn that any heavier and my ass would have gone through this carpeted floor. So I question her “ when in November? Like early? Or at the end of the month? “

Andi : “well its actually more like early November? “

SN : oh so you mean November 1^st so basically its end of this month?

Andi: well yeah I guess.

SN: yeah I think its end of Oct because tomorrow is the first.

Andi:  yeah well I figure that’s ok notice coz you can get someone to rent the place in a month.

SN can feel herself falling thru the floor.

I’m pissed. Coz the woman just went back on her word. Livid doesn’t begin to cover how I feel.  I’m a touch passive aggressive when I feel betrayed. Not just that, I also have to go back on what I told Mel. Mel is working late when this conversation happened. So when I see her the next day, I tell her the news. I also apologize because I told her would be moving in December or Feb. I feel horrid. Mel has only lived here what 2 months and now she has to find another place. Yeah thanks ANDI!  I put up an ad for the place. In a week I only get two responses. 2 responses! No, this place is really cheap so 2 responses is B.A.D. and-not -the –Michael- Jackson- style- more- like- the- Mike- Tyson- vs- Evander- Hollyfield-ear- biting- saga- B.A.D.And none are viable applicants because I knew them from my school and I just was like no I don’t think I want to live with you. So that leaves the option of staying and paying double the amount we are playing for a tiny place. No thanks on my part No thanks on Mel’s part!

Fortunately we found a place the following weekend!! And stitched that ear up! God is great I tell you!

So now I’m moving.

Lesson # 1 : Don’t trust people that be flipping left and right, saying this and doing the other. They will move out on you!

And did I tell you how the woman, ANDI,  didn’t even pay the gas bill? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNN  that CHIC be trifling!  You are not going to believe this!